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By Mike Beatrice
The 2012 Oscar Nominations were revealed this week. Typically, the Oscar Nominations are a good indicator of the Academy Awards.
“FOOL’S GOLD”
Budwesier has announced plans to lower alcohol levels in its UK distributed beer. Here in America, they’ve already lowered the taste levels.
On the bright side, British citizens can still use the low-alcohol Budweiser to rinse after brushing.
“DIRTY WATER”
Kool and the Gang will be the opening act for Van Halen’s upcoming concert tour. Whoever booked them is about to get Earth, Wind and Fired.
“UNKOOL AND THE GANG”
Ringo Starr is releasing a new album. It’s available in stores beginning next Tuesday, and then in clearance bins on Wednesday.
“5TH BEATLE”
What kind of world do we live in where Ringo’s got a 50/50 shot at being the last surviving Beatle?
Ringo tours periodically with his “All Starr” band. Unless those All Starrs include John, Paul and George, nobody cares.
President Obama delivered his State of the Union address Tuesday night. He was interrupted nine times for applause, three times for booing and one time by Ed Hochuli who’s still explaining overtime rules.
“FLAGRANT”
The only State of the Union to receive worse reviews was this one:
“NON UNION”
Gary Busey has withdrawn his endorsement of Newt Gingrich for President. Yes, voting for Newt is
-
exactly
that crazy.
Demi Moore was rushed to a hospital for what her publicist is calling “exhaustion.” Presumably the same “exhaustion” that afflicts Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan.
“NEEDS MOORE SLEEP”
Moore is allegedly addicted to drugs and alcohol, while her ex Ashton Kutcher is allegedly addicted to super models.
“RUNAWAY BRIDE”
Chloe Sevigny is said to be replacing Moore in the Linda Lovelace biopic chronicling the porn star’s ascendancy to Deep Throat. Convenient, since Chloe can also serve as technical advisor.
“SUCKS”
