Schmoes Know… Funny movie reviews from people like you!
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Our Review of Twilight, Breaking Dawn Part 2:
MARK: Kristian couldn’t see the movie but don’t worry, I got him a collector’s cup too. Ah, what the hell. It’s the last one of these damn things, so let’s have some fun!
Welcome to Schmoes Know everyone…my counterpart Kristian is not here today, he had something come up at the last minute and was heartbroken to miss the final installment of the legendary (?) film franchise Twilight.
Yes, the saga about a young lass who falls for two classic movie monsters and the hordes of teenage girls who adore their every breath is over. Really too bad that the man who coined the phrase “Twilight face” couldn’t be here…there’s plenty of it in this one. However, this movie also features by far the most intensity of any in the series.
If you haven’t seen the movies up to this point (congratulations), ear muffs. Bella is now a vampire, her last act as a human was to give birth as a human to a beautiful baby girl that’s half human/half vampire. This alerts the bad vampire sect the Voltare, they get a little squirrely when their people mix with the outside world. Oh, and werewolf Jacob is still hanging around because he imprinted on Bella and Edward’s baby to help protect it. Peeing in a circle, but you should still get flu shots.
Bill Condon returns to direct and for a while this is the same old Twilight we’re used to: the lead acting is stiff…we believe Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Taylor Lautner is a little better than he has been but still the flattest third wheelin the business.
What’s been brewing since the first movie is a showdown, a vampire battle of the ages (featuring werewolves), and the climactic scene is kinda awesome. Totally plays above it’s head.
From bottom of my heart thank you. And thank you to Bella, Edward and Jacob for letting us laugh, cry, debate, and pick sides while you three bastards stare at each other. In honor of Twilight face, I end this review with 2.75/5 schmoes
