Schmoes Know… Funny movie reviews from people like you!
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By Mike Beatrice
TWO AND A HALF LITRES
Following his widely publicized arrest in New York last week, Charlie Sheen is apparently contemplating a trip to Ireland for rehab. Yeah, cause when you think rehab you think Ireland.
“Black Irish.”
Apparently the Sheen family has a network of distant relatives in County Tipperary. Well, the Sheens call them distant relatives; we call them drunks.
“Notre Lame.”
In a related story: Emilio Estevez!
“Can’t get Arrested.”
FACEBOOKED
Two Facebook stories this week. In “here’s-a-real-winner” news, 22 year old Alexandra Tobias admitted to police that she shook her two year old baby to death, because the baby’s crying had interrupted her Farmville time.
“Offline”
Here’s hoping Alexandra enjoys “Jailville.”
SHITFACEBOOK
And elsewhere, America’s sweetheart was at the center of controversy again, but not entirely of her own doing. Apparently, Facebook hackers began posting fraudulent links to a Lindsay Lohan sex tape that could potentially give users a virus. Personally, I like to get my viruses the old fashioned way: by actually having sex w/ Lindsay Lohan.
“Herpesville”
For her part, Lohan swears there is no sex tape. Of course not; no one uses tape anymore.
As for the rumored sex .mpg, LiLo had no comment.
In other celebutante news, Miley Cyrus’ parents Billy Ray and Tish have filed for divorce. Gee, I hope this doesn’t adversely affect Miley’s behavior.
“Irreconcilable.”
As for what happens to the 17 year old now, don’t worry; there’s a long list of men offering to be her “daddy.”
(NOTE: Dibs! So suck it!)
Speaking to reporters about her acting roles, Miley said, “I’m kind of bipolar in my acting choices because I just want to do a little bit of everything.” Really, that sentence could have ended 15 words earlier.
HIGH TIME WITH BILL MAHER
In movie news, maybe you caught Zach Galifianakis smoking a joint on HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher. The duo, making a point about California’s Prop 19, got into a wonderful discourse about the ramifications of legalizing… legal, um… ramifica-something … um … wait …what we were talking about?
“Thank you for Smoking.”
HATE MOSS
In football news, just four weeks after being released by the New England Patriots to the Minnesota Vikings, the Vikings waived Moss. He kinda had it coming; even the Dallas Cowboys think Randy quit on his team.
“Fade Route.”
By the way, if you’re keeping score at home:
Moss: Cut!
Favre’s Chin: Also Cut!
Brady’s Hair: Not Cut!
Apparently, Vikings coach Brad Childress took offense at Randy’s post-game pro-Patriots love-fest. Judging by the photo below, it’s worth mentioning Massachusetts is a gay marriage state:
“Here’s the story…of a man named Brady…”
THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS
And finally, congratulations to the 2010 San Francisco Giants on their first World Series title since 1954. The Giants said they would really like to thank their fan.
“Strike Out.”</strong>
POST SCRIPT
And finally-finally: congrats to Kristian “Schmoe” Harloff on getting married. No jokes. Just good wishes.
Until next Tuesday,
Beatrice
Hi I love your blog, it is very clever and it always takes shots at the idiots in Hollywood who take themselves way too serious.
There is a lot in this post this week and it gets better. Beatrice, will you ever do a video post or a review with Mark and Christian?
I wanted to let you know that I read this every Tuesday. The Entertainment jokes are really funny. Glad you brought this dude on.
GalafaHACKness
It absolutely was amusing to see Zach smoking a joint at Bill Mahar, but i really don’t get it exactly why people believe he was smoking authentic marijuana. It was humorous but also bogus
HAHAHAHAH, Lohan joke was the best one today.
Is it me or does this Beatrice guy seem like a prick? The Schmoes are nice guys.
Tom Brady is OVER RATED!!!!
Brett Favre showed Randy MOss his penis and then told the Viking so they could fire Moss before he pressed charges.
Miley Cyrus makes me sick and Andy Dick is a more believable FBI agent. Hollywood sucks.
Lohan looks like her vagina is about to fall out in that picture.
The News rocks