Grammy award winning singer Celine Dion has given birth to twin boys. And if talent truly does skip a generation, these are going to be the most talented twin boys ever!
The boys weighed in at 5 pounds 4 ounces, and 5 pounds 10 ounces, or roughly the size of Justin Bieber.
Celine’s husband, Rene Angelil, said the birth was emotional, and that both he and Celine broke into tears. Mostly out of joy that there were two more people they could charge $250.00 for concert tickets.
Special request: before Celine and Mr. Angelil (if that is his real name) have any more children, could someone put a call into Sigourney Weaver? She’s really good at putting a stop to Alien progenitors:
Comedian Russell Brand and pop star Katy Perry married over the weekend in a Northern Indian tiger reserve.
Predictably, one of the tigers scaled two walls to encroach on the wedding party, and nearly breeched the final third wall a mere 50 feet away from Brand and Perry. Am I the only one who was rooting for the tiger?
In box office news, Paranormal Activity 2 was the weekend’s big winner, scaring up almost 41 million dollars. The sequel to the frightfully successful 2009 low budget thriller centers around a couple that wakes up to find that they just lost two hours of their lives…watching the first Paranormal Activity.
The plot for Paranormal Activity 3 has already been announced: Celine Dion giving birth to twins.
In other movie news, rumors abound that another Star Wars trilogy may be in the works, and fan boys can’t wait to see how George Lucas fucks it up this time.
And Tony Scott may be directing a long awaited Top Gun sequel. Apparently, this time, pilots fearing their own latent homosexuality take to the skies to focus their rage on helpless foreign MIG pilots. Oh, wait. That was the plot of the first Top Gun.
And according to sources, Mel Gibson had been slated for a cameo in The Hangover sequel, but cast and crew – including Zach Galifianakis – complained to producers, resulting in Gibson being fired. Aw, that’s not fair; who knows more about hangovers than Mel Gibson?
Gibson was set to play a tattoo artist, but apparently he kept tattooing Swastikas.
Gibson is said to be replaced by Liam Neeson, or as Mel calls him: McJew.
As a result of the ongoing rate dispute between Fox parent company News Corp and Cablevision Systems Corp, millions of cable viewers may miss out on upcoming Fox programming including the Major League Baseball World Series. Said one consumer spokesperson, “We don’t want to miss the World Series because of corporate bureaucracy,” adding, “We want to choose for ourselves to not watch the World Series.”
Already, 3 million New York viewers missed Monday night’s Giants / Cowboys football game. But then again, so did the Cowboys.
In other news, the LAPD Metropolitan Division’s K-9 unit will visit South Korea to evaluate the Korean breed of dog, Jindo, for use in law enforcement. If it turns out the Jindo dogs are not up to the task, millions of Koreans will be eating well for quite some time.
And finally, facing bankruptcy, Crystal Cathedral founder Robert Schuller has appealed to parishioners to make contributions to save the Southern Californian landmark house of worship.
Dear Robert Schuller: maybe you wouldn’t be facing bankruptcy if you hadn’t wasted all of your worshippers’ previous contributions…BUILDING A CRYSTAL CATHEDRAL!
-MBThe Tuesday Beatrice News Scoop (10-26-10),