Schmoes Know… Funny movie reviews from people like you!
loading...
By Mike Beatrice
JUSTIN TIME
This week, we have the Justin Bieber trifecta. Three – count them: THREE! – stories revolving around the teen heartthrob.
“Newsie.”
After hearing so many comparisons between his own hair and that of Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady, Bieber “rapped” in a song, “Call up Mr. Brady. Tell ‘em leave his hair to the guy who sings ‘Baby.’”
Brady would respond, but NFL rules prevent him from communicating with underage girls.
“Puts the ‘fox’ in Foxboro.”
Elsewhere, Bieber has likened himself to this generation’s Kurt Cobain. Which hopefully means we’re just a few months away from Bieber shooting himself in the head with a shotgun.
“Beta Bieber.”
And finally, lil Justin is being investigated for assault charges, stemming from an alleged altercation at a Canadian laser tag facility.
(NOTE: Laser tag, Canada? Really?)
The alleged victim in the incident is pressing charges, which may not be the best idea. Even if you’re legally in the right, do you ever want to admit you got cold cocked by Justin Bieber? Getting socked by Dakota Fanning would earn you more street cred.
A VIEW TO A SHRILL
“He’s just a Bill.”
The ladies of The View went to Defcon 1 during an interview with Fox News Channel’s Bill O’Reilly. Discussing his views on the mosque to be built near Ground Zero, View co-hosts Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg walked off the set, making O’Reilly the only person in history capable of shutting these two up.
“Exit: Stage Left.”
Whoopi should know better; how did she like it when people walked out of Sister Act 2?
“Bad Habit.”
GRAPES OF MATH
A new article in Psychology Today hypothesizes that highly intelligent people drink more alcohol than less intelligent people. Cleary the editors of Psychology Today have never been to a Raiders game.
“Oakland AAs.”
4-SKIN
In sports news, still reeling from allegations of inappropriate sexual conduct, karma seems to have bit Brett Favre in the ass. Or, in this case, kicked him in the nuts.
Who knew Favre’s wife Deanna had that good a leg?
Allegedly, Favre texted a photo of his private parts to a female reporter when he played for the New York Jets, and the future Hall of Fame quarterback may have also harassed two female Jets massage therapists. Dear Deanna: Betrayed by Brett Favre? Welcome to Green Bay. Population: you!
“Burnt Cheese.”
HEAD GAMES
In a related story, coming off a weekend of hard hitting football, Kurt Warner told Fox Sports’ Dan Patrick that preventing concussions in the NFL may be futile.
“The Kurt Locker.”
Said Warner, “players are so big and so strong and so fast that there’s nowhere to hide anymore,” adding, “as you get older in the NFL…you think about, hey, I got seven kids.” Then again, most men with seven kids want a concussion.
CHICAGO BULL
Elsewhere in sports, Michael Jordan told USA Today that he thinks he could score 100 points in today’s league. 100? Yeah, in the WNBA maybe.
“Basket Case”
IDIOCRACY
“It lives!”
Finally, Paramount Pictures is going viral promoting Paranormal Activity 2 with online clips and advance screenings this week in select cities. The first Paranormal Activity was really scary; in fact I’m still haunted by the ghostly apparition of the $12.50 I wasted on that piece of garbage.
-MB
Hey I LOVED Paranormal Activity! But yeah Justin Bieber is so tiny and has arms like pipe cleaners. How on earth could he actually assault anyone?
Ha 3 Bieber stories!
Favre getting hit in the balls=karma bitch
No Lady Gaga this week? Shocker
The Tom Brady Bieber comment was genius
Michael Jordan could have scored 100 today, the rules have changed dramatically since he played and players like him, now, are so protected, he would have hit it. He is right.
Whoopi is an entitled slob.
Raiders Fans FTW!
I can’t stand O’Reilly but those women acted so unprofessional. It was so bush leageu
Bieber is such garbage. I hate that people compare him to Timberlake.