Schmoes Know… Funny movie reviews from people like you!
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By Mike Beatrice
The Avengers broke opening weekend records with a box office haul of 207.4 million dollars. It would have made an additional $20, but my parents mistakenly watched the wrong movie:
“THE OTHER GUYS”
The Avengers’ success leaves only one question: How long until Hollywood reboots The Avengers?
“ASSEMBLY REQUIRED”
Speaking of reboots, Universal has announced plans to redo Van Helsing with Tom Cruise. It’s going to be a short film.
“RISKY”
Lindsay Lohan and Woody Allen were spotted dining together in a New York restaurant. That’s odd. Isn’t she a little old for him?
“SUGAR DADDY”
Woody declined taking a doggy bag from the restaurant, saying he’d eat some Korean at home.
“TOO SOON?”
John Travolta is being sued for allegedly masturbating while fondling a masseur’s penis. Travolta denies the incident ever happened, saying it was Nic Cage wearing his face.
“JERK OFF”
According to the masseur, Travolta says he’s done things in his past that would make most people throw up. For example, Battlefield Earth.
“JOHN D’OH!”
Arnold Schwarzenegger’s son Patrick attended high school prom at an exclusive beachside hotel. In true Schwarzenegger fashion, Patrick ditched his date to hook up with one of the maids.
“TERMINATOR TOO”
A group of domestic terrorists were arrested for conspiring to blow up all the bridges in Cleveland. They would have succeeded too, but LeBron James already burned those bridges.
“BURNING MAN”
A rumor exploded on the internet that Suge Night had been arrested for the murder of Tupac Shakur. Turns out, it was just Suge Knight’s hologram.
“THE SUGE KNIGHT RETURNS”
A new study warns that by 2030, 42% of Americans will be obese. Coincidentally, by 2030 42% of Americans will dine at Golden Corral.
“EAT THE FOCKERS”
James Cameron has announced he is dedicating all of his filmmaking efforts to Avatar 2, 3 and 4. Like Picasso, he’s going through his blue period.
“BLUE MAN GROUP”
AND FINALLY…
A Nebraska man has legally changed his name to Tyrannosaurus Rex. If he really wanted to be named after an extinct dinosaur, he should have gone with “Dick Clark.”
“FOSSIL”
