Schmoes Know… Funny movie reviews from people like you!
loading...
By Mark Reilly
Welcome, welcome, welcome to another Reilly Roundtable! And holy shit folks, there is some big time announcements happening out there in the world of REMAKES, SEQUELS and REBOOTS. Notice the ALL CAPS. That means it’s important and shit.
Not to mention some comic book news, a change up in director for a big time franchise and a bunch of hullabaloo regarding some classic tales that will be heading into the celluloid.
Yes, there was a comic with Obama in it. And it was lame.
I am somewhat excited by all the news – somewhat confused, somewhat reserved in judgment. And since it’s been a while since I did a good ole’ fashioned “Recap” on all the newsworthy stories out there, I decided this would be a great time to respond adding in my usual commentary with some pretty pictures.
This is what you get when you Google Pretty Pictures? Jesus.
Anywho. In no particular order, here’s what’s making the rounds on the Internet, and by proxy, Hollywood.
Supes needs to iron his suit.
Gotta start with all the Superman rumors that have been running rampant. Soon after I wrote my article: Searching for Lois Lane, the Internet went nuts stating there would be NO Lois Lane. Which made me very angry. And then, the next day, rumors suggested that she was, in fact, being sought after. What’s the deal, yo? Make up your mind.
Okie-dokie, along with Lois, it looks like the producers are also looking at a bunch of lovely ladies for the part of Ursa; yes, that super-powered lesbian from Part II. This got everyone going crazy because, as geeks are usually able to add two and two – this means we will be getting a Zod story in the new Supes. Ursa, as you know, is the high-powered side-kick to General Zod. No mention of Zod casting… yet. To be honest, wouldn’t it be great to see Ralph Fiennes in the part?
Because, as I have heard, Ralph only does roles that test his acting ability and range. You could even keep his Harry Potter nose. He’s that versatile.
Rumored actresses for Ursa are: Diane Krueger, Rosemund Pike and Alice Eve.
What does this mean for Ursa? Besides her not having short hair or a life partner? Who knows? They’re obviously going for hot. Or sexy. Or cheap. Whichever it is… We have to wait and see what becomes of this.
Personally, I love the idea of a Zod story. And I really know nothing of the actresses up for Ursa so I can only guess the producers have cast a wide net for all the Kryptonian villains and we are only now hearing about Ursa. Either that or they are fu*king with us and they are casting a female version of Doomsday.
Either way, I’m in.
But what about Lois? Are they still toying with Jessica Biel? Malin Akerman? What about some other candidates?
Yeah, no shit – TMZ is reporting that Lindsay Lohan is up for the role of Lois Lane. Yup, you read that right. Lindsay. Lohan.
This is complete bullshit. I hate that I am writing about this. But since I found it on the internet, it must be true. So, all hail the great and powerful Lindsay Lohan, right? I will eat my own head if she is actually cast as Lois Lane.
In other ‘sequel of a reboot of a shitty movie’ news… Rosemund Pike has been cast as Andromeda in the sequel to CLASH OF THE TITANS – WRATH OF THE TITANS. Yes, she was up for Ursa. So now, everyone is saying she is no longer in contention for Ursa. So glad we cleared that up.
I wonder what the Titans will do when they Wrath instead of Clash? Personally, I’d like to see them go bowling to settle their differences.
Because I am so upset over a CLASH sequel, I would now like to comment on some comic book news.
For it’s a sad day… someone of major significance in the Marvel universe has passed.
That’s right, a superhero has died in a comic book. Which means we will never, ever, absolutely never-ever see them again. To commemorate this momentous occasion, 18 million comic book fans ran right out and bought out the issue. Those same 18 million fans will no doubt run right back out in six months when they bring said dead superhero back to life. Oh, whoops. Sorry. Um… SPOILER ALERT.
Yup, the FANTASTIC FOUR is no longer Fantastic. They are merely… Excellent? Seeing as the Human Torch is now dead, what more can they be?
Indeed, Marvel killed off their beloved Johnny Storm, brother of Sue, friend to the Thing, brother in law to Mr. Fantastic and pimp to all those woman out there complaining of a burning sensation in their delicates.
I must say, it’s kind of awesome they killed off Johnny… for some morbid reason, it pleases me that they didn’t go for the obvious kill – The Thing. He would have been my choice for the death sentence. After all, he’s made of rocks and shit. Just drop him into a body of water and be done with it.
Still, God Bless you Johnny Storm. See you in three or four issues.
And still, more comic news! This one actually seems pretty cool and actually is getting me excited about picking up the issues again.
Amazing Spider-Man will introduce a newly refined, better than ever VENOM character. This time, though, with a certain twist. Venom is no longer that crazy symbiote trying to do away with our fearless web-slinger. Instead, they have done something, rather bitchen in my opinion.
Seems the government has taken control of the symbiote and attached it to a black ops character named Flash Thompson. For those Spidey fans out there, you should recognize the name – he is Peter Parker’s nemesis from high school.
Well, Flash is now all badass and stuff, working for the US government and has been given the power of the black suit to go and whoop some ass over seas. It’s a pretty original story in my opinion and I dig where they are taking this. Not only will Venom now be fighting for good but he will have all the powers of the suit to help in his campaign.
What’s even cooler – Flash can only wear the suit in 48 hour intervals so he doesn’t go bat-shit crazy because of its powers. Already, I see many possibilities with this arc. Methinks Flash won’t be a hero for too long and Spider-man will have to attend to his old foe very soon.
Oh, also of note – Spidey has been asked to join the Fantastic 4, er, Excellent 3, in place of the newly departed Johnny Storm. And they won’t be called the Fantastic 4 anymore they will be called the Future Foundation. Which I don’t really get. There’s still four of them… You could still have the name. Now you have to go and trademark this Future Foundation name, file a lot of paperwork, and change up all your letterhead. Seems like a lot of work.
But I’m intrigued. I wonder how these stories, Johnny being dead, Venom as a black ops and Spidey as a Future Foundation-er will intersect? Ah, comics. There is no shortage of great stories out there. Coming soon… The Adventures of Lois Lane In Jail. It’s a movie tie-in to be released soon after the new Superman movie, also tying in to the release of Lindsay Lohan from jail. Expect it to hit shelves in fifteen to twenty years for good behavior.
In other movie news, Julia Roberts has been cast as the Evil Queen in THE BROTHER’S GRIMM: SNOW WHITE. Don’t be confused – this is not SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN starring Kristen Stewart and Viggo Mortensen. Kristen is playing Snow White, Viggo is playing the Huntsman; Charlize Theron is the Evil Queen. Did everyone get that? Good. Glad to see the creative think tank that is Hollywood working overtime.
Also of note, HANSEL AND GRETAL: WITCH HUNTERS is being made starring Jeremy Renner as Hansel, a witch hunter.
I’m seeing a trend here. Once I am done with my article I will be polishing my re-imagining of SLEEPING BEAUTY: SLEEP OR DIE. It will utilize the latest technology of motion capture and 3D technology. For 3 hours, Sleeping Beauty will sleep, in eye-popping 3D. The Wachowski Brothers are attached along with Kristen Stewart as the lead.
So, we’ve got some Grimm Fairy Tale news, we got some Lohan news, we got some Titan’s news… What more could you ask for?
How about some more Batman news?
There have been some rumors of late that suggest Joseph Gordan-Levitt is up for a part in THE DARK KNIGHT RISES.
Very cool news indeed…I dig this guy. But get this. On a recent scouting location in Lansing, Michigan, someone let slip that the local will be used as a hideout for none other than Robin, Batman’s sidekick.
Whoa, whoa…. Stop it. Robin? Could this be true? Since my sources are nobodies who post everything on the Internet, this has to be totally legit. I have heard many things over the years regarding Nolan’s Bat universe. One such fact was that there would never be a Robin.
So, if this turns out to be true…. What might a Robin, Boy Wonder look like?
Either way, I am intrigued. As I have always stated, Chris Nolan knows his shit. If he wants Robin in his movie, I am in full support. I await confirmation with extreme excitement.
Lastly, and I have saved the best for last…. It is being reported that Shane Black, of the LETHAL WEAPON, MONSTER SQUAD, KISS KISS BANG BANG Black’s is being considered to write and direct…. IRON MAN 3.
Left to right: Doc Holliday, Tony Stark, Shane F’ing Black.
Hell. Yes. Hell. Fu*king. Yes!
I love Shane Black. I love KISS KISS BANG BANG, I love his Lethal Weapon movies. His style, his voice… This is an inspired, f’ing, brilliant choice.
Shane would add a new voice to the franchise. He could really explore the inner demons of Tony Stark like he did with Martin Riggs in Lethal Weapon.
His characters from his past movies, like Martin Riggs, Harry Lockhart, hell even Joe Hallnbeck from THE LAST BOYSCOUT… they are all of the same ilk as Tony Stark. Because most writers write themselves in the lead…. Shane Black is Tony Stark. He’s got a bead on the character and will kill it. His humor, his tact, his sharp tongue – it seems all of Shane’s past movies have been preparing him for this. For IRON MAN 3. It’s a genius move.
Now, it’s not final, they only state that he is at the top of the list. So I am here to say… Please, Hollywood. Hire Shane. He will knock this one out of the park. I have no doubt.
So, as I mentioned, some good news out there. Interesting. Wacky. Random. Like when they hire the TWILIGHT writer to pen the reboot of HIGHLANDER, it’s that kind of kooky shit that keeps the wheels turning.
And with that, I will take my leave of you. But not before posting the excellent trailer for CAPTAIN AMERICA, a movie I am very much looking forward to…
America. F*ck yeah.
See you in line…
Reilly
