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The Friday Beatrice News Scoop

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By Mike Beatrice

Richard Grieco was among former cast members who turned out for the Red Carpet premier of 21 Jump Street. No word whose limo he was driving.

“UNDERCOVER FLOP”

Lindsay Lohan has been involved in yet another hit and run accident. If prosecuted, Lindsay could serve up to 40 minutes in jail.

“DESIGNATED DRUNK DRIVER”

HBO has cancelled its hit series Luck after three race horses died. Poor HBO; they’d been hoping Luck would fill the void left by their other horse show:

“HORSE PLAY”

Animal activists groups have suggested HBO bring back the series, replacing horses with Kardashians.

“UNSTABLE”

A strip club in Orange County, California has saved local little league by donating twelve hundred dollars… In singles.

“MONEYBALL”

A Texas millionaire has created his own replica Oval Office at a cost of $250,000. That’s just crazy; a Texan idiot could never occupy the Oval Office.

“DUBYA TF”

To be fair, the man plans to make back that money by charging admission. $5 to get in, and another $25 to nail a fat intern.

Comedian Gallagher is recovering from a heart attack. Doctors say the comic legend should be up and smashing watermelons in no time.

“HEARTBROKEN”

Oprah Winfrey has fired 30 people from her struggling OWN network. In typical fashion, Oprah softened the blow by shouting “You get a pink slip! And you get a pink slip! And you get a pink slip!”

“DISOWNED”

A recent study says New Jersey is the least corrupt state. Of course it is; all the witnesses that would have ratted out the corruption disappeared.

“DEAD STATE”

AND FINALLY…

Ashton Kutcher is set to become the 500th customer to fly Virgin Galactic into space at a cost of $200,000. How much to make that trip one-way?

“LOST IN SPACE”

The Friday Beatrice News Scoop, 5.0 out of 5 based on 1 rating
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