Schmoes Know… Funny movie reviews from people like you!
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INTRO
Mark: Ok I know you wanna do the Batman voice, just get it overwith…yo, hello? Can you hear me?
Kristian: (Babbling nonsense)
M: I think he liked the movie guys…
VIDEO CLIPS
K: Alright it is here…the most anticipated movie of the year, The Dark Knight Rises. I finally regained the ability to speak, and I LOVED this frickin’ movie! Call me fanboy or say I’ve been drinking the Kool-Aid, I don’t care because I saw it and it was great!
M: I’m in this vid as well, and this is the most anticipated review of the year…the Dark Knight trilogy is finally closed, Kristian, it seems like you loved this movie, I really enjoyed it as well.
K: Ok, we’ll get to that…this is a spoiler-free review, what we will tell you is that Christopher Nolan wraps up his trilogy oh-so-nicely.
M: He puts a big bow on it as Batman has to rise up and defend Gotham against Bane…he’s one of these villains who has no human emotion, he’s just there to wreak havoc.
K: “Mr. Wayne”…here’s the thing, a lot of people worried about his voice, could you understand him? Yes, Nolan said he wouldn’t fix his voice…he did, you can get him pretty well.
M: I wouldn’t go so far as to say pretty well, but I liked that about him that you had to strain to understand what he was saying, I thought it fit well for the character.
K: He’s got that Vader type of thing going on, and the guy is menacing. What a great villain.
VIDEO CLIPS
K: People looking to ask who’s better, Bane or the Joker? Can’t compare them, two totally different villains. Bane is smart, but he’s also just pure power.
M: I think you can compare the two a little bit, and I’d have to take the Joker as my favorite…Bane is trying to destroy Gotham city and he does a pretty damn good job. He blows up football fields, bridges…and Batman has to use all the strength he’s developed over the years to stop him. Will he succeed? We ain’t gonna tell you, but I can say that all the performances in this film are great…let’s start with Christian Bale.
K: (Batman voice) Here’s the thing with Bale, he knows how to hone the voice!
K: You get past all the silliness of it by this point, because you understand why he does it…he doesn’t want anyone to know that it’s Bruce Wayne and it works because they guy is awesome in this movie.
M: And he’s got some people he has deal with here, notably Bane played by Tom Hardy…who was terrific. I couldn’t imagine anyone else playing that role as well as he did.
K: And he doesn’t overpower you with the performance, like “I’m huge, I’ll crush you”…instead it’s this peaceful destruction that he carries inside of him.
M: I wouldn’t say peaceful, maybe a quite destruction? He’s in control the entire time…if you’re walking down the street and you see a dude with that kind of grill? Run in the other direction.
K: And he’s such a great villain for Batman because he’s the opposite of what Batman represents…he’s so evil and menacing, and their fight scenes I thought were great. Loved those scenes.
M: Let’s talk about this then…Kristian loved the movie, I really liked it, and one of the problems I had with this movie was the fight scenes. The epic scope is so big and the flying vehicles and explosions are intense; but the intimate, hand-to-hand combat bothered me because it felt staged, like I was watching two stuntmen go through the motions. Other than a great fight scene at the end, those sequences let me down.
K: (slaps Ellis) I loved the fight scenes, thought they were great and reminded me of Rocky III, the champ going after this guy who’s overpowering, Mick’s gotta talk to him…so powerful, Bane is throwing these combinations, the speed, the power…you’re out of your mind!
M: Let me ask: I love the Rocky movies, but were you really going into a Batman flick hoping it reminded you of Rocky III?
K: Yeah, when you see the message and the fights? Eff you and the puddle of nonsense you rode in on.
M: You can’t ride a puddle, dude.
K: Morgan Freeman returns, Michael Caine is great…and you have to talk about the newcomers, Joseph Gordon Levitt, who I thought is a phenomenal actor and his role as Blake is well done, he completely owns it.
M: And Anne Hathaway as Selena Kyle, what had a lot of people worried including myself was how would she do…and you really buy into her, she pulled it off very very well.
K: You know what else she pulls off very well? Riding a motorcycle. Man was that fantastic to watch in IMAX. Ok, creeping out here…whoa.
K: Her relationship with Batman is fun to watch, there was great chemistry between them.
M: And Marion Cotillard has a pivotal role, she’s been in a lot of Nolan’s stuff and she’s always fantastic.
K: Only one I had a problem with…
M: Not Gary Oldman because was great as expected.
K: No, Matthew Modine…he just didn’t fit the tone right and I thought he overdid his role, but not a big issue because he’s so insignificant in the film.
K: Christopher Nolan, does he tie up the trilogy well? Damn right he does…it’s so great because he takes in the comics and stays true to the source material and there’s a message about what’s going on in society today, and by the end of it, it’s so epic…huge.
M: It’s the largest in scale of any of his Batman movies, and what I think draws people into his trilogy is that it feels like a graphic novel…and towards the end of this movie it started to feel a little comic booky to me: the time sequences fell apart, things got way to convenient and the “we have to stop this in time” tone felt more like a comic book than anything else, and I wanted the darker, reality feel. It’s not an insignificant complaint, but it is a smaller one because if you’re a Batman fan, then you will probably enjoy the hell out of this movie. You may not love every minute of it, but it’s a good ride, and it closes out the trilogy well.
K: I think it’s a fantastic ride and I disagree with you about the end…it sucks you in and you’re hooked for every second with what’s going on between Bane, Catwoman, Batman…everyone is involved in this scene at the end, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. One of the most captivating scenes I witnessed in a long time. I loved this movie, can’t wait to see it again, go see it in IMAX, don’t wait for Blu-Ray or you’ll deserve to get slapped like I did to Ellis…5/5 Schmoes! It deserves it and it’s my favorite movie of the year so far.
M: Ok, I’m giving it 4/5 Schmoes because I enjoyed the hell out of it, I’ll still get killed for saying it…but I did enjoy it all the way through, there’s just some things that I can’t let go, like fight scenes disappointing me and the end not being as tight as I hoped. Good effort though.
K: (Bane voice) When Schmoeville turns to ashes, you have my permission to die.
M: Thanks for sticking up for me pal…I give this 4/5 and you go Bane on me??
K: You deserve it.
M: I do not deserve it.
K: Alright Schmoeville, here comes the dumbest question of the year: do you wanna see Batman, are you looking forward to it? Who is your favorite villain in the Nolan franchise? How will Bane stack up? Comment, we wanna know!
M: When are you seeing this? Thursday night, advance tickets, camping out? Subscribe to the channel, comment…say whatever you want about me, that’s how I felt.
VIDEO CLIPS
M: Well, Batman is finally over…what are we gonna do now?
K: How about you give it 5/5, douche??
M: Make a better movie, douche!
OUTTRO
