By Mike Beatrice
As a run-up to the 2012 Presidential Campaign, Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann have been touring the country on busses. If the busses go above 50 IQ points, they explode.
Bachmann says as president she plans to bring back $2 gas. Or as the rest of us call it: Taco Bell’s Value Menu.
A vacationing President Obama has amassed a summer reading list said to be heavy on fiction. Apparently he’s reading his campaign promises.
Obama has taken a lot of heat for vacationing during a global economic crisis, but many presidents have taken similar vacations. Teddy Roosevelt vacationed in Long Island, Harry Truman vacationed in Key West and Bill Clinton vacationed in Monica Lewinsky.
In Washed Up Celebrity News, Bo Derek has joined forces with animal activists groups to ban Shark Fin Soup. Derek says she wants Shark Fin Soup to be like her career: a thing of the past.
In Hell’s Bells News, rock band AC/DC has unveiled a line of wines. Unlike Angus Young, the wines will age well.
Elsewhere in – ahem – music, Rebecca Black has dropped out of school due to bullying. Getting bullied for releasing shitty songs? Where was this policy when the guys in Coldplay were going to school?
Actor Gerard Depardieu was arrested after urinating on an Air France flight. This is simply the worst thing he’s ever done, unless you count Green Card.The Beatrice News Scoop (8-23-11),