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Our Review of Silent Hill Revelation:
While Mark and Kristian are generally congeneal with one another, some of their biggest arguments on Schmoes Know have been over horror films. Ellis can’t get enough of them; Harloff would prefer whatever evil has been awakened to stay dormant. However, the release of “Silent Hill: Revelation 3D”, the boys are in perfect unison: this is the horror film to skip this Halloween season. Skip it, and while you’re at it you may as well bury the franchise along with it.
KRISTIAN: Going into this film, we all suspected it would be a pissbox but there was a ray of hope: the guys from Game of Thrones are in it! Unfortunately for the Stark leader and his bastard, no amount of casting or thespian ability can save this film from the truth: “Silent Hill: Revelation 3D” is a colossal pile of failure.
While the acting isn’t the worst part of this debacle, the casting choices are odd: I like Kit Harington in “Game of Thrones”, but asking him to pull off a high school kid is a stretch. He makes Ian Ziering look like an actual freshman on “Beverly Hills 90210”. Even worse is the story, it makes no sense and plods along for 90 minutes throwing things at us that are neither scary nor contributing to the tale. The Cartoon Cat definitely has his hands on this one, and I will reitierate: his first horror film is a colossal pile of failure.
GRADE: 1/5 SCHMOES
MARK: Kristian asked me after the lights went up on “Silent Hill: Revelation 3D” if I would rather go to Hell or sit through that movie again…this is of course a trick question: they are one and the same. In a year filled with some surprisingly cool horror flicks, this one feels liks a cheap add-on that hopes kids will manange to wrangle an extra $10 from their parents who already bought them the latest “Silent Hill” video game. Whereas the gaming franchise is so intense it feels like you’re actually in a movie; the film adaptation feels like you’re merely watching someone else play a bad video game. The story never moves anywhere close to chilling or intense, and the visuals lack any sort of frightening inspiration. Even the attempts at cheap jump scares (the lay-up of any horror film) don’t pan out. We got lucky with a very good horror film in “Sinister”, and a great video game movie next week with “Wreck it Ralph”. So let’s leave well enough alone this Halloween season, and send this movie franchise back where it belongs: on a gaming console.
GRADE: 1/5 SCHMOESSilent Hill Revelation 3D Review,