Should I be excited for “Salt”?

By Kristian Harloff

So Mark and I are going to see SALT tonight (with special guest reviewer Jay Larson – look him up, he’s a really funny dude), and I have to admit, I have serious doubts about this movie, I’m not gonna lie. But I have many reasons for my doubts. Let’s start with Tom Cruise leaving the project for Knight and Day….really? That makes me think, is Cruise that far gone that he read the pissbox that was Knight and Day and said “this is a gem and as soon as we get Cameron Diaz, move over Avatar!”“Hey so what, a cartoon cat wrote my last film, I’m still money baby.”

Or is Salt so bad that he chose the lesser of two evils to soften the blow? Crusie withstanding, I have to be honest, as sexy as Jolie is, I’m tired of her shooting guns in slow motion and kicking dudes in the face. She’s become more of a global icon then an actress. Actually I don’t even know how true that is now that I look at my own sentence. Angelina kicking ass can be fun as long as it isn’t in something like Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. I actually thought she was the best thing in Wanted but again seeing her in a bathtub in Meet the Spartans would have made me put that film in the average column (that’s saying a lot).
Note: This pic is for me – now I have an Angelina picture I stare at and I can tell my fiance’ it’s for work.

I also want to make it clear that I’m also very aware that I may come back tomorrow after we release our review (which I will also post on this blog) and say that I was wrong – that this movie wowed me and took me on a fun action adventure ride. I’m hoping I say that. I just have my doubts, and can you blame me? This summer has been SO BAD, there have been a few gems (Inception, Toy Story 3, Despicable Me), but for the most part, it’s been full of cliche unoriginal stories with crappy dialogue and directors who are clearly there for the pay check. “Come on, get off my back Harloff, that Shia Laboots kid screaming all the time and robots with gold teeth…creative genius!”

The director for Salt, Philip Noyce, gives me hope. He directed two movies that I think are underrated and great thrillers – Patriot Games and the Saint. Both movies I enjoyed thoroughly. The problem? These movies were like 175 years ago. Since then, he’s been doing TV, who knows why, but he hasn’t been doing films. Is Salt the one he read and said “Yeah f it, I’m ready to come back?” I know this dude is capable of making a great action thriller, I just hope he wasn’t bombarded with studio notes and the “too many cooks in the kitchen” syndrome, which seems to be plaguing most blockbusters these days.

I just hope Salt is different. I hope the character has depth and makes me care about her and why people are chasing her. I mean I don’t need an excuse to stare at Angelina Jolie for 2 hours, so it would be an added bonus to leave this movie completely surprised. That’s my favorite part of going to movies – expect a speeding turd on wheels and when it turns out to be halfway decent it makes you appreciate it maybe more than you should have. I don’t want to hate this movie. Sex and the City, I wanted to hate it and hated it but I was supposed to. This movie should be up my alley. “Trust me Kristian, I always make this look believable. OK maybe not, but I look pretty sexy with this big ass gun.”

So let me take my Morgan Freeman in Shawshank and say… I hope. I hope that not only does Angelina look sexy but that she is belivable as possible Russian spy. I hope the dialogue doesn’t seem like it would be better if Nicohlos Cage was delivering it so we could at least chuckle while ti was delivered and I hope that Mr. Noyce puts his name back on the map of directors who can be relied on to deliver thrills, a good story and have us hungry for more. I hope.that I love the line..”Then YOU are a vussssian spy.”

Please be cool Salt.

If not, I still have this to enjoy:

NOTE: Here is the review for the film, to see if it lived up to my expectations, click here:

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