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WATCH SAVAGES REVIEW HERE
Kristian: Oooh yeeeaahh…we just saw the new Randy Macho Man Savage film…his home movies from 1988!
Mark: This is what I work with.
M: Well folks, he snapped into a Slim Jim, I had some popcorn, and we both took in the new Oliver Stone film, Savages.
K: Hulk Hogan?? Ok fine…yes we saw Savages, the return of Mr. Oliver Stone, he’s done some less than stellar work in recent years.
M: Really been under the radar with movies like Wall Street 2, W…I enjoyed them, but with this? This feels like an Oliver Stone movie, and I enjoyed the hell out of it.
K: Good for you, and we have a special connection with Oliver…”W” was the Schmoes’ first review on Youtube. Kinda cool.
M: No crazy presidents here, this is two surfer dudes and a hot chick…that always works out well…and they’re growing some sweet pot. Problem is, some people down in Mexico want to get their hands on it, things explode and it gets pretty complicated from there.
K: Two hippies run a tight business, they have a hot chick they’re both in love with…works for them…and they grow super weed. Salma Hayek and her team wants it, so they send Benicio Del Toro, his creepy mustache and his awesome mullet to go get it.
M: And only John Travolta can stop them! There, I helped with the plot summary.
M: Stop it!
K: Let’s talk about the acting, because this is new school meets old school.
M: And you need great acting in something like this to pull off all the crazy plot twists; you get that and I loved how much fun every member of the cast had with their role.
K: Let’s start with our youngsters first…Blake Lively, who was great in the town and was horrendous in Green Lantern…and this one she starts off with this terrible voice over stuff, not sure who’s fault that it.
M: That was the weakest link of the entire movie to me; I blame the writing because it sounded so cheesy.
K: It sounded like Dr. Seuss, just awful and then she starts to act and she’s fine in it, not great but bearable.
M: She pulled off the dumb Laguna Beach girl thing admirably…maybe that’s just her, I don’t know. Not that all Laguna Beach chicks are dumb…
K: Let’s move on to Taylor Kitsch, aka John Carter, and I’ll say this: it’s the best performance he’s had to date for sure.
M: See? I told you the kid’s a star…well done.
K: No, he’s still not a star, I didn’t always buy him as the tough guy but he’s fine…and then we have Kick Ass.
K: Kick-Ass…you don’t remember Kick-Ass?
M: I remember that movie, I didn’t know that’s what you were shouting about.
K: Well I was…Kick-Ass. And Kick-Ass is great in this movie, because he’s the smart hippie botanist guy and he’s forced to make a moral choice: I know what I have to do to get this girl rescued but am I able to cross that line?
M: Taylor Kitsch lives on the other side of that line; Kick-Ass would be happy selling his pot business and doing something else…but that becomes impossible when you get mixed up with people like Benicio Del Toro and Salma Hayek. Bad news.
K: You don’t mess with that mustache.
M: And he may be my favorite performance in the film…
K: Second favorite for me.
M: He’s one of the actors that steals the movie; he reminded me a bit of Javier Bardem in “No Country for Old Men”, he’s got that same mean streak but just has more fun the whole time.
K: He’s so maniacal yet you laugh at his demeanor, and then his relationship is with Salma Hayek, who was my favorite in the movie. She’s the evil overlord…
M: She was like the evil queen in a Snow White movie.
K: And she’d be the best evil queen we’ve seen so far this year…then you have John Travolta, and crack all the massage jokes you want, he’s great in this role.
M: This is why you have John Travolta in this film; he plays kind of a slob of a DEA agent…
K: No, D-E-A agent. You said D-E agent.
M: No, I said D-E-A, I just string my words along…it’s very musical the way I speak…and Travolta has a ball. Wait, I didn’t mean it like that.
K: Come one guy, get over it.
K: The first part of this movie was so good, it really got me into these characters and the intensity was fantastic…and then it gets a little silly, and the tone gets jumbled, and then the end..I thought the end was a bit of a cop out.
M: Eh, I saw the same movie as you so I understand that perspective…I did like the way it finally did end I was pleased with, but it does get a little octopussy with all the tentacles going everywhere. But I liked the way it finally did ravel up.
K: I don’t know, at one point I was so into where we’re going here, and then I was like: “really? That’s what we’re doing here?”
M: But I think part of that is just that you’re sad to see these characters go because we had a such a good time with them.
K: You do get invested in these characters, it was nice to see Oliver Stone do a regular movie, so for that I’m gonna give this one 3.5 out of 5 Schmoes.
M: I’m going a little higher, you know it probably won’t end well for everyone because it is called Savages but I enjoyed the ride, so it gets 3.7/5 Schmoes from this guy.
K: Hulk Hogan!!!
K: How about you guys, are you gonna see Savages, did you check it out already, are you going to The Amazing Spiderman and then checking this out? Let us know, please comment and tell us exactly what you’re gonna see.
M: Exactly what you’re going to see, be very very clear in your writing!
K: And next weekend we’re going to Comic Con, so we’ll have a bunch of great videos to show you guys from that monster event soon!
M: Very nervous about it…lots of people.
K: Quiet you.
K: We’re done here.
M: Hand sanitizer…
K: These guys want to get this girl back, and they’ll go through hell and high water to get her.
M: It’s a weird relationship, kind of a Fleetwood Mac thing happening between the three of them.
K: She’s hot but I don’t think it’s worth going though all that.
M: Ooh, I don’t know…she’s pretty damn smokin’.
K: You’d get your head cut off for her?
M: Well, that’d probably end up happening anyway.
K: Whoops, baby fell over.
M: Baby fell over…nothing to worry about at home, folks, just a baby malfunction. There’s people in Laguna Beach right now growing pot with hot chicks, selling it for millions of dollars…
K: And we’re here flippin’ babies.
M: I’m here working with Tim Allen.