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Mark: Hey there Schmoeville, since we didn’t have time to review all four Alien movies before seeing Prometheus, we decided to do something a little different with this review.
Kristian: That’s right, so we asked our buddies at ADDTV to help us out and give you guys a brief synopsis of everything that’s happened leading up to Prometheus. Here ya go…
K: That was pretty good, you gotta check out their channel ADDTV…what are you laughing at?
M: Obviously we had nothing to do with the drawing of any of that…we ain’t artsts.
K: No, we are not that talented, we are happy to have them on the channel, loved the way they broke it down. Alright, now let’s get to this one: Ridley Scott returns, he did the first one, he did this one, it’s Prometheus.
K: Let me start off by saying this: Anyone who says “oh, this isn’t a prequel to Alien or Aliens, it has nothing to do with those.”, you’re an idiot.
M: Well maybe they just haven’t seen this movie yet, they’re not like us. Not enlightened.
K: People who have seen this movie already; if you think it has nothing to do with Alien, you’re an idiot.
M: Dummy. Yeah.
K: It cleary is, it ties in with many things that link us to the original franchise; however, that’s one of the biggest problems I had with this movie is that if you think about it too much, you go: “wait…huh…what…no…”
M: You know what this movie is? It’s a Lego set that looks realy cool on it’s on, and it’s supposed to join in with 3 other Lego sets and fit in that town. And then you build this individual cool thing and then you try to combine it with this other stuff and you say “wait, this isn’t linking up the way it should…it looks great by itself but doesn’t fit in with everything else as easily as it should”.
K: There’s a lot of cool stuff with this movie, and I think we should talk about that.
M: Yeah, I liked this movie a lot.
K: Ridley Scott directing, he’s fantastic, he puts you in this incredible world, we saw it in 3D, in Imax, you guys have been asking for 3D Corner, here it is, see it in 3D and Imax, you believe you’re in this world.
M: For a sci-fi geek, this is your wet dream because it’s shot beautifully, you get to see all these spaceships, cool technology, you get to see all that stuff mesh…and then you have the story.
K: One of the things I’ve heard people say is “oh, it looks too good, too George Lucasy, how can the technology be better than the original movies when it takes place before them?” To that I say: they had more money!
M: The people funding everything.
K: Charlize Theron and the whole crew, they had dollars…Sigourney Weaver and her team? They had nothing, they were miners, got the crap stuff.
M: Yeah, the word trillion mean anything to you? It’s a few more subscribers than we have and it’s the money they have for this big project, and they do a great job leading up this story. A group of scientists head to a distant planet looking for the origins of life on Earth. Maybe we came from someone else, maybe we are just living in a giant petri dish…who knows? Let’s find out. And I tought all the performances in this movie are really fun, the one that stood out to me? Michael Fassbender.
K: He was good, really fantastic. He’s one of the best actors out there right now, you know him from the youtube videos that he’s an android.
M: A very well-endowed android.
K: Well they don’t show that you wierdo.
M: I’ve seen too many movies.
K: Are they gonna show his cyborg penis?
M: It seems like you had a problem with someone in the movie, who ya got?
K: I would like to talk about the 99 cent Tom Hardy in it…it was almost like, “Hey, I look like Tome Hardy”. Yeah, you look like him. “Should I act like Tom Hardy”. No tone it down. “What about his performance in Warrior?” No, come on…ease up.
M: Well his counterpart is Noomi Rapace? Pronunciation?
K: Not even close, it’s Noomi…Rape-ass…haha…
M: Oh yeah, because that’s real close…she’s from the original Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, she had to carry a lot of the movie.
K: It’s Ra-pace.
M: Oh, you’re still on her name? Because I’m already done with her performance.
K: She’s a really good actress, my problem with her is I just don’t like her. I don’t like her.
M: What, did she put mayonnaise on your sandwich one time when you asked her not to?
K: There’s some actresses I like, but her, she just looks kinda man-ish, she runs stupid, and I don’t know, I just don’t really like her.
M: I don’t know who you are right now…you may have an alien infecting you from the inside, in which case I’ll be very disappointed because we’re filming this review in my office.
K: There’s other fantastic actors in this, Idris Elba who’s great in everything, Charlize Theron who was originally supposed to play the Noomi Rapace part, she couldn’t because of scheduling with Mad Max, that fell through, she got this small part and I thought she was really great.
M: A lot of mystery there, and that’s the thing with this whole movie; it’s got some great individual attributes, then when you try to link it with the other movies it doesn’t always add up. Here’s what this movie is: a cool alien that you find on a distant planet and you’re like “cool, I wanna play with this”, but then once you take it back to the lab and start dissecting it, that’s when stuff goes a little haywire, maybe we should’ve left this one alone.
M: And so when I Schmoe this movie, I will do so as an individual piece that has a lot of questions afterwards. Because everyone walking out of this theater was asking stuff…I’m giving this movie 4/5 Schmoes because I really enjoyed watching it, had a great time in the theater, was in this world, and guess what? Now Im hanging out with my buddies afterwards asking questions…what more do you want out of a movie than that?
K: See now, I really wanted to love this movie, I’m a big fan of Alien, Aliens and Ridley Scott…I thought it got a little silly at times, I wanted to love this movie I swear but I just liked it, 3/5 Schmoes.
M: Ok cool, but see? A healthy disagreement. We’re not gonna yell at each other.
K: Absolutely…and do I think you should see this in the theater? Absolutely, see it in 3D, in Imax…I just wanted to like it more. Will that change if I see it on Blu Ray? Maybe…right now I’m at a 3.
M: How about you guys? Have you seen Prometheus, are you going to see it? I think the answer to at least one of those questions is yes. Comment below and let us know how you feel about this movie.
K: Yes and make sure you subscribe to ADDTV as well for more cool cartoons, that thing was great.
M: And you can subscribe to us as well…that cartoon, you can tell we didn’t do it. We ain’t that talented or funny.
K: When are they gonna animate us?
K: I will say this though…after watching this movie, I am convinced of one thing.
M: What’s that?
K: You are a cyborg.
K: Because he had no interest in women; he was running around…
M: I like women. Very attracted to them…
K: I’m not saying that, just…
M: Where are you going with this little stand-up clip…been awhile since he’s been on stage folks…and now this? He’s coming at the master??
K: I wasn’t saying he was attracted to dudes, he just goes about his business, gotta do this, gotta do that…
M: They’re flashing the light at ya, buddy.