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OUR VIDEO REVIEW OF MEN IN BLACK 3:
“Men in Black 3” review transcript
Mark: Man, what a fun movie!
Kristian: Ok, I’ve had enough of this…look into this. Alright, you’re the bad guy in this one, you didn’t like the movie, you’re gonna be mean for once…this should be fun.
M: Hey everyone, welcome back to Schmoes Know, if you’re new click that button to subscribe…we’re reviewing Men in Black 3, or as I like to call it, the worst one in the franchise.
K: Wow…I am going to say this is Men in Black 3, Barry Sonnenfeld returns, as does Will Smith, and Tommy Lee Jones.
M: Yes, that’s why the call it 3, Josh Brolin also in the cast as a young Tommy Lee Jones, with time travel.
K: Now, if you guys are fans of the franchise, movies 1 and 2, then I think you’ll enjoy this movie.
M: Love the concept, apparently there’s these guys, men in black, they show up when you’ve seen an alien and tell you to forget what you’ve seen…I love that idea in a movie; I did not like this movie that much at all.
K: What did you not like about this movie, pal?
M: It’s just not good…it’s bland, it’s dull. You’d think you’d have a coo story after all these years, getting all these guys back together, a cool villain to root for, and one of the most annoying aliens I’ve ever seen in my life, and I’ve seent them all. This guy makes ALF look like James Bond.
K: The beginning of this movie, I was a little worried, felt like a live-action cartoon kinda thing…but once they did the time travel thing, and you meet Josh Brolin, who does a dead-on Tommy Lee Jones, I got into it. Look, is it a great movie? No. But I had fun with it, I just got in there, turned my brain off and said ‘ok’…I thought it had way more story than the second one.
M: You turned your brain off? Or you kept it off?
K: I will tell you that I think there’s some nice moments in this, and the alien Grif? His name is Griffin.
M: Ugh. This guy…just kept babbling and babbling. Felt like he was a new open miker that just kept running his jokes by me time after time after time.
K: Ok, I liked him, reminded me of a young Robin Williams, and he’s just telling them all about probabilities and this and that, and he was kinda dorky, and I got into it.
M: (slaps his hand around) I’ll slap that guy.
K: Will Smith returns, and one of the things I kinda agree with you on is that it’s the third movie, but it still feels like these guys are working together for the first time…but it’s been 15 years.
M: Yeah, you want them to have more of a repoire, and I get that one of the plotlines in the movie is that they don’t have chemistry because Tommy Lee Jones is so emotionally unavailable, but it just felt weird to me, like they didn’t wanna be there. There were some funny lines, some ok gags, I like how it wrapped everything up at the end…but until then? That climax, I didn’t care about anything going on in this story…and I wanted to! I’m Mark Ellis, I like caring about things. That’s the Tommy Lee Jones of this group.
K: What did you think about the bad guy? Jermaine Clement, of Flight of the Concords fame, who plays Boris the Animal?
M: The guy’s funny in Flight of the Concords, but in this he’s got nothing to do, just growls.
K: He growls a lot…
M: Like every two seconds…he growls as often as Tommy Lee Jones says ‘Slick’, which, by the way, we get it. You’re a cowboy.
K: I think the time travel part was done real well, they do a good job of explaining ‘well, how does no one remember Tommy Lee Jones besides Will Smith?’ They do a nice job of addressing that.
M: Yeah, that was kinda cool, and there’s some nice cameos by some ‘60’s icons, but that’s it…I’m done with this movie. I wanted someone to flash that memory eraser at me as soon as I left the theater.
K: Ok, so if you’re gonna Schmoe this thing with this newfound personality you’ve found, what are you gonna Schmoe it as?
M: 1.9/5 Schmoes. It’s better than Transformers 3, but it’s a letdown. It’s a big letdown because I feel like a lot of the people involved with this movie that I came to the theater ready to root for, were just mailing it in.
K: I’m not going anywhere near that low, I had fun with this movie, I’m going 2.875 Schmoes…how about that?
M: You are really Ellis today aren’t you…feels good doesn’t it? People are gonna treat you differently.
K: I’m just saying I had fun, was it a great movie? No, but it was fun…whatever. How about you guys? Are you gonna go see it? Do you care? Do you think it can knock The Avengers of it’s perch this weekend? That’s a good question…we wanna know. Comment and let us know, and if you’re new to Schmoeville, click that button and subscribe, and you’ll never miss a review ever.
K: Guys, also remember this Wednesday, live we’re gonna have Peter Rallis from Movie Buzz on the podcast, Catherine Reitman will be there, we’re gonna talk movie news and whole lot of good stuff…make sure you tune in the Toad Hop, and the links are in the description…and here, look at this (turns on memort eraser)…you’re back to normal. What’d you think of the movie?
M: Still didn’t like it. Very disappointed.
K: That thing even work?
M: No, it doesn’t…it’s a letter opener. The prop department isn’t necessarily the Muppet Shop around here.