Schmoes Know… Funny movie reviews from people like you!
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Kristian’s Best Movies of All Time List
1) Star Wars (4-6)
2) Rocky (1-4)
3) Braveheart
4) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
5) Lord of the Rings
6) Goodfellas
7) Caddyshack
8) Indiana Jones (1-3)
9) Major League
Mark’s Best Movies of All Time List (with explanations)
1) Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
Why? Having the greatest trilogy ever at the top of my list was perhaps the easiest decision in the history of the galaxy; choosing which film to represent Star Wars was a bit more taxing. Nerds love “Empire”, kids love “Jedi”, I’ll take the original and send Yoda and Lando a Hallmark card.
2) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Why? Again I’ll use one movie to represent an all-time trilogy; I give the edge to “Crusade” because we find out Indy’s dad is James Bond. And seriously, is there a better end-credit sequence than the Jones boys riding off into the sunset?
3) Jaws
Why? The shark still looks great, the music still haunts you every time you go in the ocean, and Robert Shaw’s scene describing the USS Indianapolis is the Gettysburg Address of cinema. Try as they might, TBS and TNT can’t make me sick of this movie.
4) Back 2 the Future
Why? If someone ever invents time-travel, and they don’t use a Delorean as their means of travel, the whole project was wasted. Marty McFly, Doc Brown, George McFly, Biff…and Darth Vader bringing Van Halen music from the planet Vulcan doesn’t hurt, either.
5) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Why? Funniest movie ever made; by the time the opening credits are over it’s already in the Top Ten.
6)Animal House
Why? A close second; there isn’t a scene in this movie that doesn’t crush every time you watch it. It taught boys what college is really about: binge-drinking, road trips, and acquiring 10,000 marbles.
7) Die Hard
Why? Best action movie premise ever: one dude beating the odds against a gaggle of terrorists. Thousands of imitators; no one has come close. No better hero than John McClane, no better villain than Hans Gruber. And Reginald VelJohnson gets to shoot a guy, so, come on.
8) Rocky IV
Why? You really didn’t think I’d leave out a “Rocky” movie, right? Have you seen a Schmoes review??
9) The Lion King
Why? It’s a great, great movie. I’d elaborate, but I don’t feel like bawling uncontrollably.
10) Field of Dreams
Why? Speaking of bawling uncontrollably…this baby has baseball, magic, and Kevin Costner in his prime. You’re already choked up by the end anyway…and then…uh-oh…here we go…”Hey Dad…wanna have a catch?”
Mark’s Worst Movies of All Time List
1) Caddyshack II
Why? Not only cringeingly unfunny, not only made comic genuis’ Jackie Mason and Dan Aykroyd look awful and talentless…it almost ruined the first one it was so bad. Almost.
2) Meet the Spartans
Why? Stop making these movies. Seriously.
3) Manos: The Hands of Fate (trust me)
Why? How bad is this? It was used for Mystery Science Theater 3000 (a hilarious show that makes bad movies funny as hell to watch), and that episode of MST3K is now unwatchable. Like a virus that infects any other entertainment it comes into contact with.
4) The Matrix Reloaded
Why? Tried to watch it one night, and after 8 minutes my head almost exploded. It’s like they were having a contest to see how quickly they could lose me. I hate this movie.
5) Mortal Kombat II: Annihilation
Why? So excited to see this after how much fun the first one turned out to be. You know those movies where you go in knowing it’s going to be fun or awful. Yeah, this one never threatened to be even remotely entertaining.
6) Rocky V
Why? Never happened, no idea what you’re talking about.
7) Super Mario Brothers
Why? Greatest video game of all-time, and this is the best they could do. Just can’t see how a Bob Hoskins/John Leguizamo/Dennis Hopper video game flick failed.
8) Jaws 3-D
Why? At least we’re starting to get to the truly awful movies that at least have a little humor in them. Ok, ok, settle down, Jaws in 3D…you’re still horrifically unwatchable. I’d rather swim in the water off Amity Island with a speedo made of chum than watch this.
9) Orca
Why? Finally, an awful movie worth watching! Complete rip-off of Jaws, except…get this…it’s a killer whale this time! Enjoy the sequence when the whale completely demolishes the power grid of the entire town. From the ocean.
10) Planet of the Dinosaurs
Why? Rush out and find this movie somewhere now. It’s a late ’70′s flick about a team of astronauts that get stranded on a planet…full of dinosaurs!! The acting, special effects, costumes, music…it’s a 10. My aunt gave this movie to me when I was 10…I still can’t thank her enough.
Surprised neither of you have Godfather 1 or 2 on your list. i know you guys have taste, which is where my surprisement comes from. if you guys give in and at least mention them as being incredible cinematic pictures…i’ll give in and stop using the word surprisement.
I’m sorry, I’m still laughing at you pretending to have a girlfriend.
Apollo Creed would have won as Rocky never trained for Clubber in the third film whereas he trained for Apollo Creed and lost the first fight and should have lost the second fight as well as Apollo was winning on points and scored two knockdowns but got too bigfor his boots and tried to knock Rocky out. Rocky also used Apollo’s style to beat Clubber but I think he would have beat him with his own style as well as he used his own style to beat Ivan Drago and he was a better fighter than Clubber Lang. Rocky just never trained for the first fight with Clubber and that is why he got knocked out.