Schmoes Know… Funny movie reviews from people like you!
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By Jeremy Jahns
So if you’re like me, you have noticed that Hollywood has run out of ideas. Not just saying that, they’re re-making Red Dawn for Gods sake. Safe to say that if it’s being made for the big screen, it’s been done before, a few times over. And after every big budget action movie makes an obscene amount of money (“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” $836 Million, “Clash of the Titans” $492 million) I hear people saying the same thing “It’s unoriginal, we want something new!”. Now you hear A LOT of people saying this, but is it really the majority? Because numbers don’t lie.
“Yes, yes, please give me 5 more GiJoes and 7 more Transformers, I can’t get enough!!”
Even though the people say they want original ideas, If you look at the grosses. People want assembly line shit….in 3D. Scott Pilgrim vs the world (In my opinion) is one of the more original ideas seen in a movie lately, and has grossed a mere total of $10.6 million over the weekend. By the end of its run; Kick Ass made $96 million world wide but was still considered a Box Office “dud”. And with Scott Pilgrim making half as much on it’s opening weekend as Kick Ass did on its; the future for Scott Pilgrim is not looking too bright and one has to wonder if people really want what they ask for.
“Oh come on guys! This is going to be the last time I ever get to punch someone in the face and look cool?? You guys suck!”<
If you look at critical failures that were written by the Schmoes cartoon cat like Clash of the Titans and The Last Airbender, they grossed $198 million (Airbender) and $492 million (Titans). Granted Airbenders grosses aren’t so big when compared to other 3D movies, but still much more than it deserves. Truly “original” movies are lucky to get 10% of that in grosses (And that’s if they’re lucky enough to get released worldwide) So one must wonder what these original ideas are that people want to see. And why people continue to go see Michael Bay films when they know exactly what they’re in for.
“You should see the next one I have in store Jahns, Shamabamalam directing, Megan Fox and Taylor Lautner star as spacepeople dressed like potatoes….with guns!”
At a point, I tried to conclude that it was morbid curiosity. That people had to go see a big movie with horrible ratings just to see what all the fuss was about. But another part of me thinks that the much hated cookie cutter movies make money simply Because the format of the basic summer movie is familiar. The format of these movies is simple. People do not like venturing out into new territory; given the choice, they will stick with the familiar. Even if the familiar is a formula of entertainment fail. (It’s human nature after all) And in that, Hollywood makes more mindless movies with a lot of “Boom” and the reasoning becomes circular: We watch mindless movies because that’s what Hollywood gives us, and Hollywood gives us mindless movies because that’s what we watch.
“Oooooooh, explosssionns.”
In the 90s I remember a guy on TV called “the masked magician”. He exposed a lot of the commonly used illusions and magic tricks on national television. He was hated by the magic community, but shortly after his shows aired, I noticed something happen; Escalation. Stage illusions got bigger and better. Magicians had to up the stakes on their tricks because this masked magician exposed their secrets. That was when I knew that those who wield the secrets will come up with new ideas if they are shown that their existing tricks are obsolete.
“And for my next trick, I am going to make Ashton Kutcher an Oscar winning actor!”
In the end we people still wield the power to force Hollywood to bring us new original ideas. We simply need to stop watching that which we hate, and start watching what we want. Until we do, we can expect more Big movies requiring no brain power to take up our weekend entertainment.
-Jeremy jahns
Is Original too original?,
Nail right on the head Jeremy, if we keep seeing them, they will keep making them
Well put Mr. Jahns, we are just as responsible as the irresponsible studios.
Great point, but theres not much you can do.
People are like sheep.
Many people are sheep, but there is one thing you can do, and that’s not be a sheep. That was one (good) point of the article. If you use the mentality that people are sheep as an excuse to be a sheep and pay for a ticket to transformers 3 then you are no better than the rest of the sheep. If few watch transformers 3 then they won’t make a transformers 4. Plus it will send a message that at least some of us are wise to this betty-crock factory-made movie sham and that we don’t care for it.
Heh it wasnt an excuse to be a sheep, im with jermemy on this1. Im just saying that most ppl are.
I want more movies that actually require brainpower to understand… at least a little bit
Let’s not be sheep. BE SHEPHERDS!
HAHA! NUFF said I agree comepletely LOL! Society’s strange…
I completely agree, I hope beyound hopes that we will one day break this cycle.
But, Jeremy, sometimes Hollywood tricks us. They make the trailer out to be something different, something unique, only to disappoint us…
You’re right though. You made a lot of good points. Especially about going with what’s familiar. I realize now that I often find myself picking something more familiar, because I know it’s not likely to hand over some shocking surprise or make me gag.
But that’s changing, now that I’ve become a loyal member of Rotten Tomatoes and don’t shy away from reviews that may or may not give me a small spoiler or two.
Apologies for the creepy smiley. That was unintended. : (
The Masked Magician….I haven’t seen that in YEARS!! That alone brought back memories of watchin’ it on Fox. Along with Beyond Belief:Fact or Fiction & the likes. Hopefully with the success of Inception, it’ll be a step in the right direction for more movies to challenge us moviegoers. While still providing summer blockbuster style action. I’ve noticed the critical film failures issue, is reminiscent of why there aren’t many M-rated games for the Wii. As much as the gaming community wants them, they never seem to support them when they’re available. Most of them are actually worth buying. It’s strange like that though. Sad but true JJ. Sad but true.
very true jeremy,we need more ideas, but dont change any zombie movies keep them, there awesome!!
This is exactly what I’m always telling people. Critics complain when a movie is ‘too original’ AND when it’s ‘not original enough’. Hollywood gives us substandard movies because they know they don’t have to take risks or change up what is deemed a ‘winning formula’, because they’ll gross hundreds of millions regardless.
That’s why I was so happy after I saw Inception – it was one of the very few movies that have provoked thought in the last decade or so.
Perhaps if people simply didn’t pay to see thoughtless movies, Hollywood would realise we need more ‘Inception’ and less ‘Transformers 2′.
Great article and I can’t wait for your video review on ‘Vampires suck’.
Scott pilgrim was released the same time as Expendables, that’ s why it suffered. Had it been released in this week, it would have made better business.
Still got to agree on the fact that we should stop watching Michael Bay films or similar films.
yeah it sucked that Scott Piligrim went up against heavy hitters, especailly since The Expendables probably took some of the core audience who actually may enjoy Scott Piligrim
it was a terrfic movie by the way.
I think that people want to see original ideas, but if they can’t break it down in their small attention span than they will reject the offer.
And I think reason why The Last Airbender got lot of money than it deserved because 1. there was a HUGE fanbase who wanted to see it so badly and when it was announced in 3D they were even more excited. 2. people saw it in 3D. 3. People saw the movie out of curiousity because of bad reviews
Now this is the article I’ve been waiting for!
Thanks Jeremy, keep up the reviews…
I agree with your main points. Folks say they want something new, but flock to the same old crap. Hey, who doesn’t feel more comfortable in that old t-shirt than that brand new one you just got off the rack? You know how it feels and what to expect.
I think INCEPTION is the first film in a while that really was new, made you think and still did really well in the box-office.