Schmoes Know… Funny movie reviews from people like you!
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By Captain Dan
PLAYOFFS!!!
The 2010 NFL Playoffs are nearly upon us. With three games left, Only the Patriots have clinched a spot. The 2010 Movie Playoffs i.e. Awards season is also upon us. And with the sham that is the Golden Globes nominations in, as well as the SAG awards noms,
Oscar predictors are furiously assembling their board, the way Mel Kiper Jr. is getting his Big Board ready for the 2011 draft.
For pure raw emotion and ability, you gotta go with James Franco out of 127 Hours…
In one of my first blogs, I compared the film MAJOR LEAGUE to the 2010 World Series Champion San Francisco Giants(HA! I got in there again). Now I want to do football and how the storylines of the 2010 award contenders compare to the 2010 NFL playoff hopefuls. This will also serve as my big board for Oscar noms.
For natural born talent and Crazy appeal, voters should take a look at…Natalie Portman.
Ms. Portman is a phenomenal actress. Do not, I repeat and STRESS, DO NOT blame the STAR WARS prequels on her. It is well known that Granddaddy George does not know how to direct human beings(Faster, More Intense). So the Padme role, in Natalie’s acting resume, scratch it off.
The little girl who stunned critics and moviegoers alike with her beyond her years maturity in THE PROFFESIONAL, and then went on to charm Zach Braff as the kooky girl next door in GARDEN STATE has now fully arrived. With BLACK SWAN, Darren Arronofsky has crafted a cinematic ballet(Pun intended). Beautiful in all its aesthetics. Haunting, captivating, an overall gorgeous movie in every way. Was not really sold on Arronofsky(I did like The Wrestler, but more for Rourke and Tomei than his directing), color me sold. Very excited to see what he does with WOLVERINE. Portman is the centerpiece of this retelling of one of the most popular ballets of all time, SWAN LAKE.
“Yeah we do it, but that’s really not the only reason to see this flick.”
I liken Natalie’s full arrival to the Atlanta Falcons finally arriving as a legit Super Bowl contender. Matt Ryan and co. became the first Falcons team to have back to back winning seasons(2008, 2009).
Mike Smith has his team in position for home field advantage and a deep playoff run.
In the FIGHTER, Mark Wahlberg (Donnie’s Brother), Christian Bale and Amy Adams are all worthy. David O. Russell(THREE KINGS) is back with his first directorial outing since 2004’s I HEART HUCKABEES. This is the true story of boxer “Irish’ Mickey Ward. A guy (MARKY MARK) who was done with boxing but is coaxed into one last run by his ex-boxer drug addict brother(BALE). This is a true underdog, ROCKY-style story.
“I swear to God, Captain. You call me Marky Mark one more time, I’m pulling a Chris er I mean Jim Everett/Rome on you.”
There are two storylines that could parallel the NFL right here. One is obvious, and that is the underdog story. Last year it was the Jets, year before that it was the Arizona Cardinals, so who is that dark horse this year. There are a couple of candidates for this.
One is the Tampa Bucs. Youngest roster with the youngest coach(Raheem Morris, 34 years old) and coming off a 4-12 season. Now they are in position to possibly win their division, however they have tough road ahead since they are looking up at the 11-2 Falcons and the 10 – 3 Saints. Bucs are at 8-5. But the wild card is still a very tangible goal.
Caption: Remember this Logo?
The other storyline is the brother factor. Bale plays the brother who is the former boxer who now lives vicariously through his younger sibling. It’s about one brother achieving what the other couldn’t.
Now The Manning bros are bit different than the Wards, due to the fact that Peyton(Older bro) is considered to be one of the best to ever play the game. But he does only have one Championship. Eli the younger, has one as well. I don’t see Eli winning the League’s MVP anytime soon(Peyton has a few), but he does have a team that will be competing for the title for years to come. And a few years back when the Giants ended the Patriots bid for perfection(My fave Super Bowl that didn’t involve my Niners), there was Peyton in a luxury suite cheering on his baby bro.
Now I let’s shift to the Copper oops I mean Golden Globes. THE TOURIST is one of the worst reviewed movies of the year, yet both Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp got nominated. I am a fan of both and I was intrigued by their team up, but this movie was utter crap. How could this and not Christopher Nolan’s mesmerizing INCEPTION be nominated. How about the Cohen brothers reunion with The Dude, Jeff Bridges fresh off his Oscar win last year, in TRUE GRIT being completely shutout.
“Well, that’s just like, your opinion man.”
Now I have not seen TRUE GRIT but I have been assured by some very reliable sources that it is indeed, AWESOME!
True Grit Review coming soon.
I know a few teams who might feel more than snubbed at the end of the season. And that is due to the sorry state of affairs that is the NFC Worst. Or as I like to call it, my home division. There are three teams vying for that division. The Rams, Seahawks, 49ers.
All three are currently under .500 Rams and Seahawks at 6-7 and the Niners at 5-8. Funny enough, there is a chance that the winner will be 7-9. To the Packers, Bears, Bucs who are 3 games or more above .500, this is horrible news. One of those teams could finish with 10 wins and NOT make the playoffs. Matter a fact, one of those 3 west teams will host the Round 1 playoff game. That means a 11-5 or 12-4 Saints team could be traveling out west to play a 7-9 Rams, Niner or Hawks team. But this is why we watch sports. The drama, the excitement, how any given Sunday, last weeks goat can become the hero.
FAIL!!!! That has been popular term in the last couple of years and we could use it to easily describe a few flicks out there. And definitely some NFL teams.
FAIL!!
The Vikings were one of this biggest if not THE biggest disappointment this season. Coming within one game of the Big One last year, they brought back the same team, including the ageless one, Brett Favre(Although he most certainly looked aged this year, retirement home aged.) And just last week, their dome came crashing down onto the field.
Looks like God had a bet on the Giants too. Then of course there is The Dallas Cowboys, America’s team(Self nicknamed by the way, they are definitely not my team.) They are hosting the Super Bowl this year, at season’s start, looks like they had a shot at being the first Host team to make the Super Bowl.(HAHAHAHAHAHA!) Sorry Dallas fans but this makes me so happy. I am not a fan of the Cowgirls.
America’s Tackling Dummy, I believe is a more apt nickname.
But I digress. *Sigh* because my team is the hapless 49ers. I finally know how Detroit Lions and Cleveland Browns fans feel. Every season starts off so hopeful, and then they break your heart.
FAIL FAIL FAIL!!!!
As mentioned, they are still technically in the race, hell they could even lose a game in the final three and still win. And while I will be happy if we get into the playoffs but it will be a shallow victory. On paper, we are the most talented team in the NFC WEST, we just have no QB and a coach who seems to have never learned how an NFL offense actually works. You play to the strength of your players, you don’t make your players try to fit your philosophy.
In the Hollywood category, THE TOURIST is by far the biggest failure. Two of the hottest talents working, and this is what they come up with?!?!? The only thing worse is the Pacino/Deniro stinker RIGHTEOUS KILL, a few years back.
And now the moment you all be waiting for. Drum roll please…
Are u drum rolling? Good.
Super Bowl Prediction: Patriots Vs. Falcons. Pats win 35-27.
Oscar Predictions: Actor – Colin Firth, KING’S SPEECH
Actress – Natalie Portman, BLACK SWAN
Best Pic – BLACK SWAN
Best Director – Darren Arronofsky
Game on. Cap out.
FanBoy Friday with Captain Dan (12-17-10),
Natalie Portman= HOT PIECE!
Ugh, our niners– so frustrating!
good stuff!!! this year was kinda weak for movies in my opinion just like the NFL..very disappointing and many under achievers at the box office and on the gridiron. keep up the meshing between sports and movies the best forms of entertainment!