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CELESTE AND JESSE FOREVER REVIEW:
Mark: Will they stay together? Break up? It’s Celeste, it’s Jesse, it’s the Schmoes coming at ya right now.
Kristian: That was it? That was the intro?
M: We’ll work on it and get back to you.
K: Celeste and Jesse Forever, what the hell is it? It’s an independent film starring Rashida Jones from Parks and Rec and The Office fame, and Andy Samberg from SNL and Hot Rod.
M: We last saw Andy Samberg in That’s My Boy, and we were confused because he didn’t have a whole lot to do in that film…here he gets to be the star.
K: He is the star, along with Rashida Jones…they’re friends.
M: It’s all working out for them: they have a great repoire, cute inside jokes, they appear to be madly in love. There’s only one problem…they divorced, kids!
K: They’re getting divorced…and they’re friends are weirded out by their affections but the two handle it ok until the inevitable dates come along and they take turns getting jealous.
M: Falling in and out of love, one goes out with someone new and the other gets jealous, who will end up with whom? That is the roller coaster ride that is this film and if you buy into the premise, it will enhance your enjoyment of the film immensely.
K: I think some people who see this will buy Rashida Jones and Andy Samberg as a couple more than I did…because I did not. I liked them better when they were apart and looking for new love.
M: Did they end up back together or with a new love? We ain’t gonna tell you…the movie will keep you guessing right until the end. I bought them as a couple but they did annoy me; however I’m not so sure that wasn’t one of the movie’s intentions. To put people off a little and acknowledge how odd this relationship is.
K: Some of the jokes they had with each other were clearly trying to make the audience laugh, and some of them just kinda stunk. Poop-lotion-sex jokes.
M: Poop lotion sex jokes? That’s the new vaudeville, kids!
K: Did I like this movie? Eh, I could go without watching it ever again.
M: That answers the question.
K: Look, it’s an ok romantic comedy, fine date movie, but it never really gets into your heart…I felt like I was watching a bunch of people acting as opposed to real people.
M: So the performances never took you to a real place, no one became an actual human being.
K: The only relationship I bought was between Jones and the character Paul; he was the only real human to me. Most of the acting felt a little forced, but he didn’t.
M: And with Samberg it’s a tough sell to have him be a kid for 30 years and then suddenly have to grow up with this other girl; why couldn’t he do that for Rashida Jones? I wanted those characters to figure it out, and the movie didn’t make me believe that they couldn’t.
K: I don’t think Andy Samberg is the best actor in the world, but he’s great at doing stuid silly stuff and I want to see more of that. Doesn’t do enough in this, or That’s My Boy. Where is it?
M: Well you said the stuff that they do in this one didn’t make you laugh.
K: But he needs a role where he gets to be silly the whole time.
M: More poop dick vagina jokes or whatever you said before?
K: Eh…you’re on the right path.
K: So Schmoeing this movie up, I’m going 3/5 Schmoes.
M: And I will tie you; 3/5 for me as well…didn’t love it but I could stand to see it again, maybe a rental. Red Box? Ever hear of that? They have these vending machines outside 7-11…
K: What, you can’t afford to go to Best Buy anymore?
K: How about you Schmoeville? Have you heard about this, want to see it, comment and let us know!
M: Comes out August 3rd, will it do well at the box office?
K: Eh, probably not.
M: How nice of you. He has such a big heart. When he’s not doing this show.
K: I’m in my head and I apologize, this wasn’t made by the director of Hot Rod. I screwed up this take.
M: Ok, well, no one cares, we’ll keep rolling.
K: No, we gotta start over.