Schmoes Know… Funny movie reviews from people like you!
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INTRO
Kristian: Because we’re a family program, we’re not gonna pan down and show you the skirt that Mark is wearing.
Mark: It’s a kilt…why not?
VIDEO CLIPS
M: Pixar’s Brave…Kristian, tell me why this one is different from every other Pixar flick.
K: This is different because this is the first time that they have a female lead in any of their movies…think about it. You have Cars 2 with silly ass Larry the Cable Guy showing off his buck teeth. Would’ve rather had a woman in that.
M: I like that movie…this is also the first time Pixar went to Scotland, there’s a family there I think named the O’Halligans?
K: Keep guessing, you’ll get it eventually. When I saw the trailer for this movie, it looks like an adventure, this girl doesn’t want to be tied down, wants to seek her destiny and she can shoot a bow and arrow better than Robin Hood himself so this girl is gonna be a badass.
M: She doesn’t want to be betrothed to anyone, wants to seek her own destiny…maybe she’s a closet lesbian, you gotta watch the movie to find that out. And that’s what we were expecting going into this…you sit down, get your popcorn, the 3D glasses and the movie starts…and we get a very different story than we were expecting.
K: There’s the beginning of this movie and it feels like an epic set-up for an adventure, and then you get this archery scene, and you’re like here we go…then it gets really young.
M: And different and weird and not the story that I was expecting or hoping for. Without giving anything away, bears figure prominently into this, more so than I would have liked. And I’m a fan of bears.
K: Yeah, but there’s also curses, relationships, goes differently…
M: I thought it was gonna be about a girl finding her way, hence the title Brave…but this is about a girl getting along with her mom and dad. Which is fine, there’s a place for that…but this is my least favorite Pixar movie.
K: See mine is Cars 2…I liked this movie but I didn’t love it. I’ve been disappointed in the last few summer movies, and wanted this one to be great but unfortunately it falls into that category as well.
M: Because it’s Pixar, there’s a real high ceiling, high bar you gotta hit.
K: Wasn’t as witty, as clever or funny as the other Pixar movies…and I wanted the lead character Mereda to be memorable like Belle from Beauty and the Beast or Ariel from the mermaid movie. You wanted a character like that for Pixar, and she’s just not…she’s forgettable.
K: There’s some cool characters that I think lose momentum as it goes on. The dad was good, the mom and daughter have a relationship that figures prominently in the story…and you had the Ellis childen in there, three boys who stole the show when they were in there but weren’t in it enough.
M: They’re the Huey, Dewey and Louie in human form and they’re enjoyable…a lot of laughs in this movie; the other clans you like. Funny movie, just not what I was hoping for.
K: Problem with these clans is that they’re condensed to one area, and they never move.
M: This story never moves, it goes into the woods for a bit, they come back and that’s all you get. I wanted more!
K: It really upsets me, I wanted it to be great, it was one of the one’s I was most looking forward to.
M: You have all the hallmarks of Pixar, it is very funny, the vocal talent is amazing, it looks beautiful, we saw it in 3D…time for 3D corner. It’s really cool, lots of stuff to look at, but again the story just isn’t there. It’s like Rock of Ages for me, the story has to help you out more than it did.
K: It has a real young tone, and I was hoping it would be good for adults and kids…the first quarter of the movie is for everyone, then it gets really kid-ish.
M: It’s like listening to the bagpipes…you can tolerate it for 15 minutes, then you need something else.
VIDEO CLIPS
K: It was predictable, I knew where it was going…you didn’t get that classic Pixar feeling where “hey, I didn’t see that coming”. There wasn’t a lot of that…it had a great set-up in the beginning, but then you go “argh”.
M: Hits the target but misses the red part, I’m gonna give this movie 2.8/5 Schmoes. Feels weird coming out of my mouth when I don’t give a Pixar movie at least 3 Schmoes, but sorry.
K: It’s weird because at first you think it could be a 4 or a 5…
M: You get that feeling when you sit down in the theater because it’s Pixar, then the movie starts and you’re like this could really be something…
K: I was thinking 4 or 5, but then this part of the movie happens, and you go “ummm”. 3/5 Schmoes unfortunately.
M: Kids will love it, adults aren’t gonna gouche their eyes out, but it’s disappointing because it’s Pixar.
K: How about you Schmoeville? Do you wanna see this movie, are you looking forward to it, if you have seen it what did you think, let us know. And I don’t wanna sound like a sexist here, but I think women will like this movie a lot more than guys…I think they’ll get into it and it will tug at their heartstrings more.
M: What? No.
K: Don’t tell me no…
M: I’m telling you no, and you’re a sexist.
K: No I’m not…
VIDEO CLIPS
K: Make sure you check out our six-part Batman review starting in a couple days with our good buddy Chris Stuckmann…
K: I won’t be here for Box Office Sunday, because I have better things to do.
M: Your daughter is adorable…and happy Father’s Day buddy.
K: F**k off.
M: Woah…
K: Can you bleep that out?
M: You’re not getting a World’s Greatest Dad mug anytime soon…
OUTTRO
Brave Review,
