By Mike Beatrice
A Los Angeles pornography studio is building a so-called “porn bunker” to prepare for a 2012 global disaster. That disaster? Barack Obama’s re-election campaign.
The new porn bunker takes the place of Hollywood’s old porn bunker: Charlie Sheen’s house.
Jennifer Lopez has taken to commercial advertisements, endorsing the all new Fiat. The trunk is huge! And the Fiat’s cargo space isn’t bad either.
Long distance swimmer Diana Nyad has abandoned her third attempt to swim the 90 miles from Florida to Cuba. Ugh, an American woman can’t get it right after three tries, but six year old Elian Gonzales can make the trip the first time around.
Forget what you’ve heard about the dismal job market. Macy’s is enlisting 78,000 workers for the holiday season. Which is good news for 78,000 drunken Santas.
If you follow football, you know Tony Romo’s ribs are bad. But Tony Roma’s ribs are worse.
Southwest Airlines is in trouble again, for kicking off Leisha Hailey — star of The L Word — for giving her same sex partner a kiss. Obviously, this wasn’t a flight to Vegas.
Southwest, ironically, is the official airline of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. Which is a little like Emirates being the official airline of Hollywood.
Once again the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has snubbed rock band RUSH. Or as Justin Bieber calls them: The Who?
In a related story, Bieber rented out the Stables Center for a date with Selena Gomez. So for one night, the Clippers weren’t the least talented act in the building.
After a rare east coast earthquake, engineers are repelling down the Washington Monument to check for stress fractures. It’s the same procedure they use to inspect Cher.
-MBThe Wed Beatrice News Scoop (9-29-11),