By Mike Beatrice
In Box Office News, The Smurfs went toe to blue toe with Cowboys and Aliens over the weekend, with just $200,000 separating the two movies’ hauls. This can only mean one thing for summer 2012: “Cowboys and Smurfs!”
In Never Saw That Coming News, Sandra Bullock ex Jesse James and his fiancee Kat Von D have split. The couple cites irreconcilable differences; turns out she’s a Neo Nazi and he’s just a Neo Fascist.
Oddly, being a Nazi doesn’t even crack the top five things most vile about Kat Von D.
In a recent interview, Hugh Hefner says he has sex “weekly.” What he meant to say was that he has sex “weakly.”
Charlie Sheen says he is interested in buying the Los Angeles Dodgers. If he does buy the team, he’ll have to replace his mantra “winning” with “losing.”
In Law and Disorder News, Casey Anthony has been convicted of check fraud. That’ll teach her.
It’s unclear what Anthony was using the phony checks for, but we do know it wasn’t for a babysitter.
In Football is Almost Here News, the New England Patriots have signed one-man-reality-show Chad OchoCinco. This wasn’t a real surprise; days before the trade Chad was spotted hiding cell phones in the Foxboro end zones.
(NOTE: Am I the only one that misremembers the cell phone celebration being performed by Chad?)
And in the college ranks, the USC Trojans have unveiled plans for a state of the art sports facility set to open next year. SC needs the facility to recruit, now that they can’t offer college kids houses and Kardashians.
Happy Birthday to MTV. 30 years ago this week MTV aired its first music video. Which was followed moments later by the last music video.The Tuesday Beatrice News Scoop: (8-2-11),