Schmoes Know… Funny movie reviews from people like you!
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By Mike Beatrice
THE JAPAN SYNDROME
In the wake of Japan’s tragic earthquake and tsunami, Japanese nuclear reactors have suffered numerous failures and explosions. Officials say this could result in the most horrific meltdown since Charlie Sheen.
“March Madness”
The events in Japan are spurring a global debate about the risk of nuclear energy versus the safety of alternative fuels. With all his sudden free time, maybe Charlie Sheen can figure out how to power the world with Tigers Blood.
(NOTE: If you’re so inclined, go here to donate to the relief efforts: )
WHO’S THE BABY?
In celebrity news, congrats to Alyssa Milano who announced on Twitter that she is expecting a baby boy! The Beatrice News Scoop has obtained a sonogram of the fetus:
“Charmed!”
HEAD GAMES
In sports news, following a series of hard hits, the NHL is working on a plan to reduce player concussions. The plan so far? Canceling the rest of the hockey season.
“Pucked Up”
GOLDEN ARCH SUPPORT
Joe D’Amico is training for this weekend’s Los Angeles Marathon by eating nothing but McDonald’s for 30 days. That’s just crazy; everyone knows when you’re training for a marathon you eat Taco Bell so you can get the runs.
“Heavy Heavy Fuel”
AND FINALLY…
FISH STORY
Millions of dead sardines washed up in Redondo Beach, California. In a related story: El Pollo Loco Fish Tacos, for a limited time only!
“Something Fishy”
