PARTY OF FOUR
Charlie Sheen is in hot water again, though in this case it’s probably hot tub water. A drunken (shocking) Sheen was in Las Vegas for the adult entertainment AVN awards and allegedly hooked up with three porn stars at the same time.
Among the women was 23 year-old Bree Olson, who had just won an AVN award for “Best Anal.”
The other two porn stars didn’t win any accolades, but at the AVNs it’s an honor just to be violated.
THE CABLE GUY
In loosely related award news, at the 2011 People’s Choice Awards fans voted Conan O’Brien their favorite talk show host.
Sadly for Conan, these are the same people who voted Zac Efron their favorite movie star.
With her latest pictorial, Pamela Anderson has broken the record for most appearances in Playboy Magazine. And, for those keeping score at home, Tommy Lee still holds the record for most appearances in Pamela Anderson.
When homeless man Ted Williams went viral on the internet with his unique radio voice, he quickly landed a job offer from the Cleveland Cavaliers. Unfortunately for the Cavs, Williams later held a one hour special announcing he’d be taking his talents to South Beach.
(NOTE: C’mon, Cleveland. Can you keep anybody around??)
Williams has also been hired as the new voice of Kraft Foods. Ironically, even homeless people won’t eat that crap.
All in all 2011 is looking great for Ted Williams, until his children cryogenically freeze his head for fast cash.
I know what you’re thinking: can it really be possible for a man to be talented and homeless? Sure, just ask Nic Cage.
Speaking of Cage, four words sum up his tax problems w/ the IRS: Season of the Witch.
Check out the Schmoes eviscerating “Witch” here:
A new study found that humans started wearing clothes about 170,000 years ago. And 169,999 years ago, Lindsay Lohan’s ancestors started flashing their privates on what would eventually become Sunset Boulevard.
For those that think I’m way too hard on LiLo, feel free to rewrite that joke for Paris Hilton.
In a related story, check out this photo from 1988 of Paris and her mother walking a runway.
Sadly, this is the last known image of Paris that doesn’t involve hotel rooms, video cameras and night vision.
DON’T ASK, DON’T CARE
In a recent interview, Gwyneth Paltrow says she’ll never forget her make-out scene from Austin Powers: Goldmember, calling Tom Cruise a, quote, “amazing kisser.”
Funny, that’s the same thing John Travolta says.
NOT JACK AND DIANE
Word around town is that John Mellencamp is dating Meg Ryan. Well, I guess we can start calling him John Cougar again.
Between John and Meg, it’s a toss up who had more work done.
A shift in the Earth’s magnetic pole forced runway closures at a Florida airport until computers could be recalibrated and runways renumbered. You know, between that and all the random bird and fish deaths being reported, there’s a real chance that someday we will look back on Dennis Quaid’s The Day After Tomorrow as the most prescient movie ever.
And finally, for sports fans, if you missed Marshawn Lynch’s run-for-the-ages during the Seattle / Saints NFL Playoff game, here’s your chance to see the magic happen.
Until next week….The Tuesday Beatrice News Scoop (1-11-11),