OK Schmoes fans, it is Tuesday, let’s get into the news…
LiLo says her first stop is going to be detox, followed quickly of course by retox.
In a related story, I am abstaining from Lady GaGa’s music.
Fans are eagerly awaiting the book in which Bieber will outline how his pop career began. I, on the other hand, am eagerly awaiting Bieber’s second book which will outline how his career ended.
Bieber is Canadian, which makes me wonder if we’re not securing the wrong border.
The book is going to be illustrated, which will keep Bieber’s fans entertained until they learn to read. You can pre-order the October publication now, or just wait until November when it hits the clearance shelves.
Trust me: Bieber’s memoirs are going to make Jewel’s poetry book look like To Kill a Mockingbird.
Charlie Sheen appeared before a Colorado judge today on a 2009 domestic violence charge. Sheen is the star of the hit series Two and a Half Men and the spokesman for Hanes, specifically the Hanes Wife Beater.
In a related story, Emilio Estevez still can’t get arrested.
Chelsea married Marc Mezvinsky about 48 hours ago, making this already the most successful Clinton marriage on record.
Chelsea wore a wedding gown designed by Vera Wang. Please insert “Clinton’s Wang” joke here.
See ya next Tuesday.
=The Tuesday Beatrice News Scoop (08-03-10),