Before we get to the latest news surrounding the potential re-boot of the “Robocop” franchise, let me start by saying that this day is already a win. Waking up to read Harloff’s blog that “Sex and the City” will not be returning to theaters ensured that, regardless of the rest of the day’s news, I would go to sleep tonight on a positive note. I don’t care what else is going on; I could go for a walk on the beach, discover the remains of the Statue of Liberty and still think: “hey, I’ll take a planet run by apes over another ‘Sex and the City’ film.” Apes imprisoning me is a small price to pay, so long as I never again have to suffer through another wino lunch with these four shrews delivering awful knock-knock jokes to each other.
“You’re such a better kisser than Miranda.”
So with that made clear, I am mildly disappointed that a re-launching of the Robocop character is apparently dead in the water. Plans were to have Darren Aronofsky helm the project; his departure combined with the fact that MGM is losing money faster than me at an airport bar (“would you like a shot for only $2 more?”) seems to indicate the plans are scrapped.
I can’t get too upset about this; as much as I respect Aronofsky and am sure that today’s effects would make it possible to tell any Robocop story you could imagine, it’s really going to be ok. This isn’t exactly the Terminator franchise; it’s not even the Predator franchise. It’s a cool idea that had one solid film followed by two awful ones. The original “Robocop” movie had an inventive story, fun battles and perhaps the oddest sense of humor in action film history. It somehow worked, and is fun to watch today (as much for the commercials as anything else. 6000Sux, anyone?).
The sequels, on the other hand, make my home movies look like “Terminator 2”. In place of a coherent story was a 10 year-old drug dealer and a jet-packed robotic police officer, and suddenly there was a franchise that the Los Angeles Clippers could look down on.
The biggest reason I’m not ordering flowers to place by ED-209’s grave just yet is that I don’t believe this franchise is truly over. It may be comatose, but how can you say “Robocop” is dead with a straight face? This is the movie where a cop gets shot 846 times in the face, and he gets brought back to life. If Leon Nash, Clarence Boddicker and Dick Jones can’t kill off Murphy, I doubt anyone else can. “Robocop” may not have a director, a studio or even a helmet right now, but you can’t count the guy out. It’s too good of an idea, it’s a franchise worth resurrecting, and it’s not like Hollywood will stop remaking movies anytime soon.
We’re not going back to Old Detroit just yet, and that mistake that Bob Morton made isn’t completely erased. We have the technology to make Robocop bigger, faster and stronger, and someday he’ll rise to fight crime again. Until then, let’s just be patient and celebrate the fact the “Sex and the City” hens have finally gone Kaboom! I’d buy that for a dollar.
MEIs Robocop dead on the table…again?,